On surrendering to a recorded voice and what it can do
Just a couple of weeks ago, I started experimenting with hypnosis. With that, my journey into submission was suddenly greatly accelerated. I've been thinking about it for some time, curious what it could do, how it could make me feel and perhaps what goals I could hope to advance (not only sexually). In comes Alpha Steve, whom I met on Grindr, and he sent me links to some audio files to listen to. Before beginning I had a million questions that I needed to check with him and I'm grateful that he took the time to address them. I wasn't particularly sceptic about his ability to hypnotize me and that it could have an effect over me. Rather, I was concerned that it could have too much power over me. That it could fuck me up.
A mindfuck can actually be a wonderful thing. I experienced it for the first time through wearing chastity and avoiding cumming for 10 days. I was horny and desperate—extremely eager—and that was actually when Master J.E. collared me. My whole sex story, "Fantastic Adventures in Master's Orbit" (also available here) describes my sexual fantasies of submission in his service. When I started writing these, he warned me that he would see them as consent to do to me anything described in them.
But I digress. I needed to be 100% certain before getting myself into hypnosis. I also cheated and listened or at least skimmed through the audio files to check what was in them. Normally I understand that it is not advisable, as it could undermine the effectiveness of the hypnosis. But safety first and I needed to be certain. After all, Alpha Steve was someone I'd just recently met online, plus he had a declared agenda to use and abuse subs. Abuse is actually something that I normally avoid.
Anyway, after a couple of days of back and forth, I finally let myself try to listen to one of the hypnosis files when I went to bed. I woke up feeling better, happier. I knew what was in the file and I knew the commands that Alpha Steve gave me. But after going under, it had a different power over me. He had a different power over me.
After listening to another file the next day I already felt much more eager for him and submissive in general. I opened new Gmail and Twitter accounts so I could promote him as instructed. This was the alternative to actual money contributions, since he's a findom who seeks to use his power of persuasion to drain subs' wallets. I can understand a sub's association of their wallet as a pussy that the findom penetrates, but I'm not a finsub myself. Alpha Steve reassured me that the hypnosis wouldn't make me contribute if I wouldn't want to, but I understand that he is definitely looking to mold me in every way. Molding a new finsub could regrettably be on his agenda too. But I couldn't help it and proceeded with listening to the audio files despite the risks.
I started not only praising Alpha Steve, but degrading myself further. I have already been thinking of publishing the sex stories that I've been writing (especially as an outlet for unfulfilled horniness during the COVID-19 pandemic). But now I went ahead and started this adult content Patreon account within days. On top of that I committed to starting sharing about my real life experiences, not just my fantasies. I was ready to let the world know (while using a pseudonym) about my depraved journey from a young bottom to a sub, urinal, slave, faggot, and now, a hypno sub.
Another thing that happened was that I agreed to whore myself out. Again, that's something I've been thinking about for some time. However, I only dared act upon it now. That happened not only through the explicit encouragement of Alpha Steve, but his hypno training for me to go into deeper submission as a faggot. It was difficult for me to give Doms money, because I associated that with whores and I never want to feel like I'm hiring a Dom or that I am the one in control. I hold enough power by giving consent and I don't want to add to that the power of money. Which I don't have much of anyway. On the other hand, it was easier for me to imagine (or at least fantasize) how I could be rented out, even just for chores, or otherwise be instructed to do things I would not have done without encouragement.
I went ahead and created a Wishtender account with gifts that patrons could buy to encourage me to be sluttier and more submissive, such as a smaller chastity cage and slutty clothes, including a pink see-through tank top (with matching pink see-through underwear) and another tank top that revealed my nipples. I also set up a Personal Development Fund to which people could contribute if they wanted to see me submitting and slutting out further. I suggested they could instruct me to spend some time on my knees in a bar, or tell me to get into a tub in the bar (that has it) and let anyone piss on me, for example.
There's more to tell you about my feelings and state of mind following these hypno sessions. I'll get into it next week.
Two weeks into hypnosis · BLOG POST II · First published on October 5, 2023
Two weeks ago, hypnosis rocked my world. Within days, just listening to a couple of hypno audio files, my limits were stretched like never before. Just like that, I was suddenly able to act on ideas that I've had for some time to submit further. Like mushrooms popping up after the rain, I was able to reveal or even be driven to act upon sluttier ideas that have been planted in my mind. That included publishing my sex stories, starting to blog and tweet about my personal journey into submission and offering patrons to buy rights to give me instructions for further submission, essentially slutting myself out.
Feeling incredibly submissive because of hypno by Alpha Steve and it feels so good. It feels amazing.
I was horny, eager and grateful for this new found liberty to submit and I was happy to reward Alpha Steve with promotion online. I set up the new Twitter account with his encouragement, as promotion was the alternative to giving him money, which was what he expected of most subs, being the FinDom that he is.
I was especially excited for the idea that this Master could do anything he wanted to me. I have very strict limits that are important to me, but he made it clear that they would become irrelevant to Him and me when he uses me. I was afraid of doing anything I didn't want, like being raped or bottoming bareback. But Alpha Steve made it clear that I wouldn't be forced to do anything, but rather, I would consent because I would lose my power to say no. A kind of consensual non-consent. I'm very drawn to a Dominant personality and his dominance was off the charts. He made it clear I would be powerless to resist him when I'm fully under his spell. I was thinking of traveling to meet him, even though I knew I'd submit to doing things I don't currently want to do. He was already mindfucking me, making me stupid.
Had my first religious experience: Woke up and first thought was about Alpha Steve. I decided for a moment to get on my knees, in his honor, though he's in another continent. As one does for God.
His hypnosis was designed to make subs horny for his voice, so all this came as no surprise, except for how real and strong these feelings were. I'd say silly things like wanting him to make me pregnant or wishing he'd even just insert a finger into my mouth or not even, just command me to cum for him without touch. I actually participated in a multi-party call with him in which one of the subs reported cumming, while wearing chastity, without touching himself, as Alpha Steve was speaking and activating us with the commands planted in the hypno audio files.
I felt better every day, more content, not just sexually. I felt more fulfilled and proud with my new found role, somewhere further down the sub spectrum. I felt true gratitude for Him and other Doms that have made me the fag I am today, sometimes through training, but mostly by seeding ideas that came to fruition when I was ready. I tweeted:
You live your life as a free man. Then come these Alphas that let you come out of your kink closet and realize you're a sub. Then a urinal > collared slave > faggot property. Now you're really free.
— @HSFaggot on TwitterThe next step in my rapid mental progress in my submission was agreeing to slut out. I created a Wishtender account where I could receive gifts, but more importantly, where anyone could contribute to my (fag) Personal Development Fund. I figured that while there were a lot of things I didn't want to do, I was willing to give others the right to decide that for me. Whether those were Doms wanting to exert more control over me, Daddies wanting to encourage my development as a slut boi, or subs, wanting to support or perhaps push one of their own to be sluttier than they are or to join them at the bottom of the hierarchy. I set out ideas, or a price list, if you will. No one could purchase my service like a prostitute, but they could encourage me to slut out for others: spend some time on my knees in a bar, suck off the first guy that approaches me (without refusal rights), display myself in chastity in a less kinky bar, sit in a tub and agree that anyone could piss on me, or go into a bar with any text they want written on my chest.
I'm still waiting for the first contribution to the Personal Development Fund, so feel free to step up and be the first to encourage my slutting out, or let me know what you think in the comments below.
The Personal Development Fund has been decommissioned, but you can still tip me!
Important disclaimer: Apologies to anyone who may find this post inaccurate or offensive in any way. That is not my intention and please correct me if I'm wrong. In fact, I admire transgender people, sissies and queers. I consider it particularly inspiring and brave for people to be open (even in just some spaces) about their gender identity, whether it is fixed or fluid.
Honestly, I don't know if hypnosis can turn me into a sissy and I can't even say I'm not apprehensive about finding out. So why am I even asking this? Because Alpha Steve said he was considering preparing an audio file that would hypnotize its listeners and do just that. Having experienced Alpha Steve's hypnosis already, I'm not one to doubt his capabilities.
Alpha Steve said hypnosis won't make me do something I wouldn't want to do. He told me that about findom (financial domination), since I told him I wasn't a finsub and was turned off by Doms asking me for money. That has to do with my relationship with money and not wanting to feel like I can hold power by "buying" a Dom. But nevermind that. Despite my resistance and even as I'm still turned off by it, in one of our first group calls on Twitter Spaces with Alpha Steve, I felt the urge to contribute to him. It was a small, symbolic amount but it wasn't nothing. He'd planted an idea in my mind and I ended up acting upon it, despite my usual preferences.
I offer this example to say I can believe he could turn me into a sissy. I don't know how I could feel that way since I always feel masculine and I am content with my gender identity. However, I believe in the possibility of gender fluidity (in general) and I believe in his abilities. I can't say I feel like a sissy or that I'm ready to be a sissy and I can't even imagine anyone would want me as a sissy because I think I'd be an ugly sissy, too manly. But I can't say I'm not curious about the idea.
I'm not ashamed to admit (here, anonymously, and maybe to some Doms) that I wonder if I could be turned into a sissy. It's something I've been thinking about more consciously in the past year and even actively seeking out Bulls - Dominant guys that like fucking sissies. Some of them are real gynophiles, attracted not only to trans women but also to cis women. Some of the Bulls, though fewer of them, I think, are also into men that go as sissies, perhaps crossdressers, but not considering themselves as transexuals and not 24/7 sissies. So almost all of the Bulls I talked to were not interested in a masculine guy that they would train, turn. So even though "forced feminization" is a known category of kink, I haven't really found a lot of guys that practice it. Unless you include those that are already happy to be sissies from time to time, or those that just put on a piece of lingerie during sex and call that forced fem.
That latter thing has happened to me once. This one guy insisted that I get a piece of lingerie (I had none) and wear it during our hookup. I wasn't sure how I felt about it then (and maybe he was the one who opened me up to that, in more than one way). But he was one of the hottest guys I've met. He was ripped. He had a really hot and very muscular body, an incredibly handsome face, one of the hardest and largest (long and thick) dicks I've ever taken and a very strong personality (though not aggressive). I was actually deeply interested in getting to know him and overcome any difficulties we were encountering. One of them though was that he wasn't willing to use a condom anymore. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to be bred by him, but the Master who collared me doesn't allow that and I want to stay safe while I'm traveling anyway. And I'm always traveling.
Sex with him worked especially well, because he only wanted to feminize (or maybe vaginize?) my lower body, but was happy with my face and masculine mannerisms. I just needed to take it like an eager bitch for him, which I was happy to do. I wore the panties as he requested, which he then tore off me. I wonder actually if the way he fucked me counted as cunting. And if it didn't, I was definitely ready to let him fuck me until I'm cunted for him. I loved so much how his thick dick filled my hole. I loved feeling like a hole for him. And yes, I was locked in chastity for him, which reinforced that. That totally works for me if a guy can just make good use of my holes. And he did. Both of them. He knew just how to make me deepthroat his huge dick again and again. It was hard but I was very eager to take it for him.
So basically I'm seeking more of that special experience that I had with him and I'm just curious if I need and if I can take another step in forced fem to submit to Bulls that would turn me into their bitch. Feel free to share your opinion in the comments or message me directly. Perhaps I'll also know much more and be able to share new insights once I undergo sissy hypno.
Anticipation · Control · BLOG POST IV · First published on July 26, 2024
A sub really shouldn't need a reason to get back into hypnosis. It's fun and it can make a sub more submissive, which means he'd be fulfilling his role better - a win for himself and for the Doms he'd serve. But life got in the way and I got out of the habit of listening to audio hypno files. After all it requires at least some investment. That is, clearing up some time before bed to relax and start listening, though I leave the files on to play as I go into sleep. I actually wake up quite refreshed, as the hypnosis can be very relaxing.
I am beyond excited by the prospect of serving a Master who says he's a hypnotist. Before he told me that, he was just another Master. Don't get me wrong, I was really glad I've found a Master that may be up for a 24/7 situation for a few days, as so few guys are ready to host strangers as their house guests (even if I offer safety guarantees, such as my passport or a key to my chastity cage, in addition to my services). Even better, he lives in a city that I like to visit whenever I can. Therefore, if he will want me to come serve him for a few days, I will come serve him for a few days, whenever he wants, as long as we plan a bit ahead.
However, I still know very little about him. I don't even know yet if I'd be attracted to him, because he hasn't shared many photos. He might be athletic with a six-pack and he might be very slim, more than what I usually like. I have no idea, because he hasn't shared a photo of his body. If he happens to be athletic, in addition to being a hypnotist, I will be desperately eager for him. Yet somehow I'm finding that I'm already very eager to meet him, or at least talk to him, just because he's a hypnotist.
I'll just cover the two other physical attributes - face and dick - before explaining why I'd go head over heels for a hypnotist. Unfortunately, he only sent me a vanishing face pic, so I can't remember it, except that I can recall he was handsome and indeed much younger than me. He's in his early 30s and I'm a little more than a decade older. I actually usually go for Doms my age or older, though the Master who owns me is also several years younger. While there's a benefit to serving as a boi to a Dom Daddy, there's something exciting about the role reversal of submitting to a younger man. Maybe there's even something a bit more degrading in that. And it's exciting that a younger guy can summon so much authority over me.
Then there is his dick. Again, his pictures didn't reveal it fully, as he was holding his dick in his hand in both pictures that he sent me. But at least I could see that it seemed above average. Then he told me that it was 9 inches. That's a lot. I know I can take it, as I've taken 10 inches more than once. But of course that adds to a Master's power over me, especially since for me, a big part of the physical submission, is feeling like a hole for him. 8 inches can do that too and even 7 inches can do the job in the hands of a skilled Dom. But 9 inches ensure he will fill my holes completely anytime and strengthen my feeling of being a vessel at his service, for his use and for his pleasure.
All that said, hypnosis makes this Master more attractive to me than any other attribute. Don't get me wrong, I'm a picky faggot and looks matter to me. But as a hypnotist, I realize that I just need him to at least be attractive enough, which he clearly is. Obviously I'm hoping to discover that he's athletic and hot, but I already know that I'm eager to serve him in any event. Maybe even desperate already. I mean, I already can't stop thinking about him, so much that I'm dedicating my weekly blog post to the possibility of serving him.
Why is that? It has to do with control. On the surface, my submission is driven by a deep-seated need to please others. I want people to like me, to think I'm a nice guy and a good guy. But perhaps another layer underneath that is my constant need to be in control, which I'm reluctant to give up. When I do give it up, it can be unsettling, but exciting.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not a control freak, I don't take pleasure in bossing people around, and I try to be minded not to micro-manage staff, though not without challenge, so that may be a hint. On the other hand, when it comes to sex and intimate relationships, I am rather picky about my partners - hence being whored out is a fantasy that has power over me; I never use drugs - though I'm curious about the experience of being used while intoxicated, perhaps even just from alcohol, which I tried once but got sick; I am afraid of being tied in bondage with a stranger, and I believe for good reason, considering the real risk of murder by a psycho or even just getting robbed - but it is exciting, especially if combined with the whoring out fantasy; and most of all, I am anxious - although excited - about the potentially limitless control that a hypno Master can have over me.